![]() To be clear, Borderline Personality Disorder is not a premeditated way of being it’s a psychological predicament. Likewise, no child can be held responsible for their parent’s emotional well-being, they can only offer compassion and work to discover themselves through the filter of time with the courage of honest reflection. No one chooses to suffer from mental illness, and no one chooses their parents. What needs to be understood are the devastating effects that BPD mothers can have on their children’s emotional development, mental health, physical health, relationships, and ability to successfully achieve autonomy in adulthood. A BPD mother “means well,” according to her distorted perceptions, but she is not well. In essence, a BPD mother is a psychologically damaged parent “doing her best.” The problematic thoughts and behaviors of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder are not deliberate they’re automatic. Because of her resistance towards self-reflection, she will dismiss, minimize, or rationalize her behavior (deflecting and projecting rather than accepting). As long as the mother maintains control of her environment, while hiding behind a fortress of denial, there will be no incentive for cultivating self-awareness or embracing the process of change and recovery. From their perspective, being disordered implies being defective, “bad,” inadequate, or less than perfect. Generally speaking, BPD mothers are exceptionally resistant to being confronted or challenged, and they will invariably refuse to see themselves as disordered. Unless BPD mothers are in treatment willing to seek treatment or willing to admit there’s a problem, they’re not going to be aware that they have a disorder-it’s up to their children, partners, and extended family members to develop this awareness. Like most disorders, considerations should be taken to evaluate levels of functioning and severity on a full spectrum to avoid over-pathologizing or underestimating the psychological disturbance of the sufferer. However, it must be emphasized that Borderline Personality Disorder is considered one of the most serious and complex mental health disorders in modern psychology. In addition, the following material is not meant to discount the positive outcomes or life lessons that can sometimes occur as a result of being raised by a BPD mother. Disclaimer: This essay is not intended to characterize all mothers suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), nor does it suggest that Borderline mothers are inherently responsible for having mental illness.
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